fayzedandconfused | SLOWATUS + meme

SLOWATUS + meme

JOINING THE -ATUS PARADE but this is just a slowatus while I'm traveling and visiting relatives, starting tonight when I go to bed and lasting until Saturday the 29th! I'm not really sure what my internet situation will be throughout the week, but I'm going to be primarily phone-tagging, though I'll be around in a general sense. So, yeah, slow but not completely gone. If anyone needs to get in touch or wants to talk, feel free to email. o7

Also since I'm going to be spending literally all day in a car tomorrow, I'm making this post double as a QUESTION/RELATIONSHIP MEME please give me stuff to write in the car tomorrow!! /o\

For Breeze and Hunter.

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Anything new with Hunter and Jenn?

Lately Hunter feels like he's messing up with Jennifer and he doesn't know how to stop. /o\ Stuff like teasing her about the tauntauns!! Something he didn't think was a big deal or that she would get mad over, AND YET. So overall, he's still really into her and cares about her a lot, but isn't sure where they stand right now. He wants to support her and make her feel less crappy about things, but he's honestly not sure how right now, so he's just gonna... keep fumbling through it.

Admittedly, part of him suspects that these feelings and the way things seem to have ~changed~ is just do to the honeymoon phase wearing off with them. Like, okay they were never officially dating or anything, but they might as well have been, so! IT'S VALID, OKAY. And speaking of ~official business, he was so confused when she told him she hadn't hooked up with anyone but him in a long time. He was like, what does that mean? Is it a hint to ask her out again? Whaaat. As things stand right now it would take a while for him to get up the courage to do so, but it could happen. :|a

Most recently, the thing with Sam leaving! He feels awful for her and wants to help, but again, he's not sure the best way to go about it. He would totally offer to let Jennifer go back to his world with him, buuut won't because things are terrible and confusing at home right now. Otherwise, he would ask her. :(

Reverse?

The more Jennifer likes Hunter, the more she's likely to get irritated at things he does. IT'S ONE OF THOSE THINGS where the more she likes someone, the more volatile her personality gets towards that person, because Jennifer confuses her feelings very easily. So, if he had done the tauntaun joke even a month or two ago, she wouldn't have really cared and played it off. But now she cares about looking like an idiot in front of him so she was all >:( about it. The good thing is that she basically forgot about it almost immediately after, because......... jennifer.

Jennifer telling Hunter that she hasn't hooked up with anyone else was both true and, yeah, her own way of telling him where she currently stands without actually doing it. Her currently ~fragile ego~ wouldn't be able to take another rejection, so it seems like both of them don't want to make any sort of forward movement for fear of rejection, OOPS. Admittedly, a small part of her hesitency to have this conversation with Hunter is the fact that mistletoe is coming up, and that's always a barrel of drama for her. So, she's putting off even considering any of this until maybe August!

As for more recent developments, Jennifer is (in addition to those other above things) in an incredibly bad place emotionally. As in, she's feeling fairly self-destructive and those tendencies tend to manifest themselves in her getting violent and/or sexual with a variety of people. IT WILL NOT BE SMOOTH SAILING, at least until she gets her head all sorted out. So........ beware.

meeeee

Breeze is... cautiously optimistic about Irene? Which sounds weird, but! She finds Irene interesting and doesn't think she's a huge asshole or patronizing even though Breeze is young (except for that one comment she made about Breeze living in a place with lots of graffiti OMG RUDE even though it was true), sooo she is like "This is a potentially non-sucky adult!" For now. Irene is definitely managing to subtly push Breeze's trauma buttons BUT Breeze doesn't have any clue that it could be anything but an accident. :)

Also she is a little bit legitimately interested in the art discussions, even though she's trying to pretend that she's too cool for it, and she finds Irene's commentary on stuff interesting too, so she... wants to keep doing it BUT she'll continue to be like "yeah whatever if you want" about ~art appreciation lessons.

Reverse me! '3'

BREEZE IS SO INTERESTING. She's obviously got some kind of tragic backstory and bravado and oh man are those superpowers. Irene wants more information about her and would like to see if Breeze can be used somehow or if her powers could be duplicated?? How awesome would it be to have an assassin with super speed! (so awesome). So Irene's going to subtly push her buttons while also being a helpful adult to see where things go 8)

Alphonse and Brianna!!

Brianna likes Al a lot! She's attracted to hanging out with kids whose personalities can kind of balance hers, and she also just likes smart guys, and he is both. She feels a certain connection with him after they told each other ~secrets, and thinks they're kind of alike in their crappy circumstances, even though Alphonse is still alive and can presumably go home at some point and live his life. For now, they're the same, kind of! Also they both have deadbeat dads, aw yeahhh.

The one thing she doesn't really get is his whole "I'm not a thing" thing, because she's just the kind of person who doesn't get why he might not want to weaponize himself? As far as she's concerned, the armor is like his mutie power, and everyone should just embrace their abilities and what makes them special and rock it! So for now she's like "Iiiiii don't get it" but she probably won't push the issue unless it comes up again for whatever reason.

FINALLY she's kind of jealous that his brother is in Camp now, because it brings up some family issues for her, but oh well she's not gonna say anything. '-' She doesn't want to harsh Al's buzz about having Ed show up.

Reverse?

Al really likes Brianna! She was one of his first friends in camp and it meant a lot that (even though it was because of the mandatory secret sharing) he could be honest with her when he was on his own for the first month. He's in kind of an awkward position in camp trying to dodge questions about his armor SO it's a relief to be able to get a break from that even when he's not with his brother.

WHAT HE'S REALIZING SLOWLY is that, compared to Brianna, he's very lucky in a lot of ways. This isn't something he usually takes for granted anyway, BUT it's another reminder that his life could be a lot worse. 8<b He might not have a body but at least he's alive, his dad might have left but he was little and doesn't remember much so it's not a huge deal, his brother is here and he'll get to go home to the people he cares about, ETC ETC ETC. He's trying to be sensitive about it and remember not to ask too many possibly touchy questions. He knows she and Ed don't get along and he's been trying to cut back on the number of times he brings up his brother but it's hard. Because codependency. SORRY BRIANNA. Also also he realizes that pity isn't the right way to handle it, either, so he's putting his energy into being a good friend and (from now on!) helping her get caught up with school. Productive things!! Since he knows what it's like to need a distraction from sitting around and feeling bad for yourself. THAT KIND OF GOT AWAY FROM ME THERE OOPS what else OH one thing he's also noticed is that he and Brianna have very different approaches to violence, which started when she was like "wanna see me cut up zombies" and then "YOU COULD TOTALLY WEAPONIZE YOURSELF" AND SO ON. He's hoping some weaponless sparring will help her remember that NOT TOTALLY KILLING EVERYTHING is always an option but at the same time he wants to practice against someone faster than him, so it's not entirely a selfless thing. 8Ib He's not going to bring up their conflicting worldviews if he can help it, since that seems like an unproductive argument for them to have, and he recognizes that he's really sensitive about his status as a human-but-in-an-object and it wouldn't be fair to take that out on Brianna. DID I FORGET ANYTHING did that make sense

wow dw turned those last two paragraphs into a monster SORRY IT'S EVEN HARDER TO FOLLOW NOW

It's all good! I had to post all my replies on my phone and it messed up a lot of html so I feel your pain /o\

You should write about FEELINGS because you keep choosing canons that are full of terribleness for their characters

or what the hell is up with Breeze and Ramona

FEELINGS about what though :

LIGHT related everything is terrible whew ones? Family? IDK

okay so I basically started rambling about Breeze's feelings about stuff and then it turned into a relationship thing for Ramona as I was writing it so I'm sorry in advance that this might be all over the place.

Basically, almost everything that happened in LIGHT was pretty terrible for Brianna, because she basically went from disappointing Sam (with her Today Show interview), fiiinally got Drake and cut him into pieces but then couldn't tell Sam she had done it before she died, got severely hurt during a fight with the gaiaphage, and then during what should have been her big epic battle of revenge, she just. got killed instead. Ouch. So now in Camp she's feeling like she really failed people for the first time, and has a lot of guilt about the people she left behind. (And actually part of the reason she wants Ramona to go to her world for vacation is also so Ramona can find out some news about the FAYZ or something.)

But! The only person she's really said that to, "I feel like I failed everyone," is Mindy. She's made some vague comments about not being fast enough or messing up to others, but she wants to seem in control of herself around most people. So she's trying to act as normal as she can, even though she feels awful a lot of the time. She's recently started training again for this reason, although she hasn't gotten to the point of calling herself the Breeze again yet.

She feels really lost right now, and also kind of shafted by her ~adults. Like Magneto accusing her of showing off right after she died is something that really bothered her, and they're only just now even talking again. She's never been close to Lincoln and Peter the way Jack is, so she feels on the outside of that whole thing, and Olivia not being in Camp makes it hard to envision possibly living with her forever. Like, she's pretty convinced that Olivia won't want her, and she's sure Lincoln doesn't want her, so. IT'S A BUMMER FOR HER to think about it even though she knows it would be really good for Jack.

Really, Breeze's whole thing with adults is that they get tired of her and don't want her around. It's always been a thing with her, not feeling wanted or important, and she just grew up that way and doesn't think it will ever change. In her mind, the FAYZ was the one time people actually needed her and wanted her around, and she failed. NOW NOTHING WILL EVER BE GOOD AGAIN.

OKAY SO AS FAR AS RAMONA IS CONCERNED. Like I said in another meme a few months ago, Ramona somehow became one of Breeze's important people, and she's just bummed over the idea of losing more important people. Ramona somehow managed to be the least awful adult when Breeze died, congrats. And that's a lot of the reason why Breeze felt able to ask her about going with her after Camp. The stuff she said in the truth post about feeling like she wouldn't belong somewhere else is obviously true too. That said, after their truth post conversation she's okay with basically being told "no" for now, as long as Ramona seems like she might possibly think it over, because Breeze totally believes that she can eventually change Ramona's mind! Somehow.

The conversation they had in the woods helped a lot actually because it enabled Breeze to talk without defaulting to her usual GET MAD > RUN AWAY thing. Sooo after that conversation she's okay with hanging around Ramona again now, making plans to go camping and stuff with her, etc, even if things are still up in the air and a little awkward.

ALSO since Ramona shared the picture of her brother (which Breeze appreciates because she knows, even though it was a truth post, that Ramona didn't have to reveal any of the stuff she did), she's more okay with giving details about her own family or stuff about her upbringing. She wouldn't bring it up unless Ramona asked, but yeah. A lot of the stuff with her family is part of the reason she keeps insisting she could take care of herself in Ramona's world - she's been taking care of herself, emotionally, for a long time, even before the FAYZ.

SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG but yeah basically Breeze is cool with Ramona again, and their last conversation helped a lot, but there are still some issues. :|a Which aren't Ramona's fault at all, she just had the misfortune of somehow being the most capable person around Breeze right now, so now she's all involved and stuff.

Reverse meee how is Ramona doing :I

This will also be all over the place since dumb stuff happened and I am referencing a shit ton of stuff, sorry in advance.

SO. After the talk where Breeze asked to go to her world and Ramona freaked out, Ramona did the super mature thing of RUNNING AWAY FROM EVERYTHING to go sulk in a self-loathing funk in the woods for a while and generally avoided people except for that pre-established stuff like counseling and art appreciation lessons. This happens because when Ramona feels like she's a bad person in one thing, the rest of her good behavior kind of goes to shit unless she can separate them and just become something else, i.e. "a bad decisions counselor to somebody who doesn't know her at all." It's a coping mechanism.

This level of emotional ruination hasn't happened in a while! But Brianna managed to get right between the ribs and into her soft heart center with that plea, especially when she said that Ramona was there for her when she died, and it completely broke her heart. :'( THERE WAS GROSS CRYING AFTER SHE LEFT. Because in her most optimistic moments Ramona wants to be someone who can be there for others, who can care unreservedly, but it's not in her nature. Her lizard brain goes into fight or flight mode when things get difficult and it takes a lot of conscious effort to not...suck and leave. And she was pretty proud of the progress she made in the handful of times she held her ground and stayed while in Camp (and also because Camp makes sure she can't leave and go far BUT WHATEVER IT STILL COUNTS). She was happy that she seemed to not fuck up in regards to the really awful time Brianna's been having with the whole dying and everything you knew and loved is no longer something you can go back to thing! It's almost like improvement.

Then Brianna asked about staying! And that involves the future. A future that Ramona has absolutely no idea what she will do. Because back home she has three League of Evil Exes members left, possibly stuff with Scott, annnnnd the whole Roxie thing. Not to mention the future is something Ramona can't brace for, like the short term accomplishments here. Her goals are generally "try not to suck as a person right now" and living in the moment. Ask her to stay for an hour, a day, she won't complain because it doesn't cost a lot and she can pace it. Camp works the same, because it is something that will eventually be over. But "rest of life maybe?" is...scary and open ended.

As an aside, she's also super glad that she didn't end up spilling about the League during the truth stuff, because god knows Brianna's response to "you can't come to my world because I have evil ex-boyfriends trying to ruin my life" would just be Brianna offering to garotte Gideon for her and sob /)___(\

So after she spent a week hating herself into exhaustion, getting trapped with Brianna was kind of relieving? Because hey if Brianna was cruel to her it's nothing she wasn't already saying in her head. And she prefers anger to sadness/crying. She is used to anger towards her more than other feelings, because anger = hating her = her leaving without guilt. Instead there was this weird balance of anger and actual communication, bolstered by the fact that Ramona couldn't lie. She was surprised that she meant it when she said if Brianna had nowhere else to go that she'd let her crash there. Largely because when she did it before like with Scott moving in it was kind of "...fine okay whatever." But here, knowing it was the truth and not just agreeing for the sake of avoiding problems, it made her realize she mostly had Breeze's best interests at heart? That it wasn't simply a "go away I can't handle this" but a "seriously, get better options" that leaves her some consolation that if Breeze did choose her world, Ramona would be the better option of absolutely no support whatsoever. Y-yay, low standards. And...okay she can't handle it, but the fact that she told her truthfully sort of leaves a weight off her shoulders in terms of disclosure.

A lot of their talk was mostly Ramona just making sure Brianna knew that she wasn't good to rely on. It's why she allowed the truth effect to push her to talk about things she normally never did. The picture thing really was a big deal since that's only the second person she's talked about her brother in camp and the first time she willingly revealed it. It was sort of her way of telling Brianna why she is understanding about her situation and also why she is severely messed up and not someone to rely on. And the fact that Brianna understood it hurt her, didn't throw it back in her face, and generally seemed to accept she was messed up, they sort of repaired a lot of the damage. Which is great!

Now for the big tangent, which is how Roxie got insecure after Ramona's week of self-loathing isolation and confronted her about it. And it...ended badly. Because they were trapped in the caves and Ramona had to, again, stop being cagey and tell her why she left abruptly to get out. So she admitted that Brianna asked her, and Roxie's response was "well she would fit in our world" and that led Ramona to breaking down in front of her about how she isn't sure about the future or being capable of doing something like that. Because it really was plaguing her and Roxie said she wanted to hear things like that.

Unfortunately it also led to Roxie's suggestion that maybe the hardships of what awaited them back in their world would be mitigated by just leaving for another! Which was pretty much the worst thing to say in that case because 1. it made Ramona resent Roxie right after she told her how Brianna wanted to go to theirs (yeah she still didn't say yes but c'mon!) and 2. hate herself because after all that doubt and agonizing over it, she was more tempted to say yes to running away than the last time Roxie brought it up. Riiiight after talking about stuff with Brianna and getting things semi-okay. And it really reinforced the primary reason why she said no in the first place, which is she cannot deal with being responsible for someone('s happiness/welfare) to that degree. Whether it's Brianna in a whole new world with Ramona as the adult/big sister proxy, or a different one with Ramona as the motivational grounding for Roxie leaving hers, she knows she's going to fail sometime and at least wants them to have more to fall back on. Because she might be an abandonment-prone asshole but at least she can try to make it suck less by filling up that space damn it! Or abandoning before it gets to be a problem, but that might not help in this case...

So, yeah, Ramona is doing...not so great presently, but she is hoping that the awful/awkward aftermath with Brianna will hide it more. Because she doesn't want to think about the future at all, but also not fail Brianna so soon after that last fight, and is trying to currently keep her shit together.

oh god that was an essay I'm sorry /)___(\

NO IT'S FINE I enjoy your essays '3' also I have nothing to do but read and do stuff on my phone this week so I got all excited that I had a long essay thing to read /o\

O RAMONA :( Breeze will try not to bring up anything about post-camp plans for now. also kind of tangentially related she got a counseling thing today with her counselors' issues on it so she's like "um should I mention Ramona's 'relationship issues' or not..." since they just got over a big dramatic thing. 8|

Which I just tagged so yeah

she will be grateful that the thirteen year old is acting more mature than her girlfriend!!

I'M LATE, but you should update me on things! Especially Hunter and Jade things after their updates and Brianna and Jade things!

And you probably got a dozen weird notifs right now because this comment refused to post... and still won't post with the right icon.

Edited 2013-06-23 04:54 (UTC)

Haha yeah I was wondering about the notifs...

Hunter and Jade: Hunter knows Jade was pissed at him for not telling her that he remembered more stuff, but he just can't bring himself to feel that bad about it. He's telling himself that his decision not to tell Jade was for her benefit: she was sick recently, she's always worried about stuff going on at home, she spends too much time researching time travel and demons and cults and he thinks she just needed a break from their Stuff. So he's pretty convinced that right now he's behaving the way he is because it's better for Jade if he does. IN ACTUALITY, Hunter is just going deeper and deeper into his defense mechanism for dealing with stress, which is to basically ignore it in favor of other things. He didn't tell her he remembered stuff because he just didn't want to deal with having that conversation. He's tired. '-' He just wants their time spent in Camp to be a break from MGA and all the weirdness, but he feels like he can't say that to Jade without her (rightly) getting mad at him! Why wouldn't Hunter want to figure stuff out? Why wouldn't he want to change what might happen? And he can't answer that truthfully without admitting to himself that he's scared and defaulting to ignoring things just because it's easier for him. Which is why he's being kind of a passive aggressive dick to Jade lately, keeping things from her and being snarky. SORRY, JADE. :(

Brianna and Jade: Brianna is talking to Jade about things that she normally wouldn't be willing to talk about with someone she's not super close to, but she feels a connection with Jade, so she feels more okay with confiding in her. She likes talking to Jade because their conversations have a good balance of snarkiness and actual concern, and Brianna gravitates to that, as much as she would never ever admit it. She hopes things work out for Jade in the way that they didn't work out for her. She's also kind of jealous of Jade because things might work out for her. But her jealousy isn't so much IT'S NOT FAIR THINGS COULD WORK OUT FOR YOU and more regret that she can't change things, while other people still can. She thinks Jade seems pretty capable, so Brianna's not super worried that she'll die, but if something does happen to Jade she wants to be there for her?? Which is a weird emotion for Breeze, since "being a supportive person" isn't usually high on her priority list.

REVERSE ME

HI I TOLD YOU I WOULD ANSWER THIS

Jade and Hunter: So Jade is obviously pissed at Hunter! And their last conversations haven't helped much. For awhile, Hunter and Jade were getting along well and Jade was glad that they'd moved past things that happened at school, that Jade figured would effectively ruin Hunter's opinion of her. Jade always thought that Hunter helped rescue her at least partially just because Casey asked (which was confirmed when she saw that memory at the lighthouse) but she didn't even care about that. Hunter had her back in Camp and that was enough! But lately, Hunter's insistence on avoiding trying to figure out what's going on back home is really annoying her. She wants to find a way for them to survive and she doesn't get why Hunter's resistant to helping her with that. It doesn't help that she keeps finding out that back home Hunter's off having adventures with Future Jade while she's stuck getting almost killed with Ike, which if Hunter had just faced Casey instead of running away, wouldn't even be the case. So yes. She gets that Hunter's avoiding things and in Jade's mind Hunter avoiding things has never helped and only made things worse so she's not thrilled and will continue to be annoyed at him.

Jade and Brianna: Jade really likes Brianna! She feels a connection to her due to the weird similarities in their lives before Camp and she feels awful about Brianna's death. Jade's worried about it dying, but Brianna actually died and that is horrible. Jade gets that Brianna is kind of a brat, but Jade knows about acting out after traumatic event so she's willing to put up with way more from Brianna than she would be from others. This also means Jade's willing to defend Brianna's more questionable behavior, because Jade is fiercely loyal to those she considers friends. Jade wants Brianna to do well when she leaves Camp and be able to move past her trauma in a way that Jade is still trying to, so she's trying to help with that as much as she can- that's why she offers to help her with studying and art projects and any random thing Brianna suggest. Jade tries to let Brianna take the initiative with that stuff because Jade's well-aware of what being too pushy will do and expects that if she pushes Brianna too hard then Brianna will completely resist her efforts. BASICALLY, Jade is trying to be supportive, without making the mistakes her brother Jimmy made that made Jade so resistant to the support.

I AM SURE THERE IS MORE, but that's a lot of words. If you have any specific questions, let me know!

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SLOWATUS + meme

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